Yesterday my pastor spoke on Psalms 121. This could not have been more perfectly timed. I have been stuck in a rut mentally over the past week. I have been struggling with loneliness again and haven’t been turning to where I know I need to turn. I’ve felt stuck, guilty. But this is my thorn. This is what I have to live with. I choose to be single. But how can a “good God” allow suffering to happen?
Do you ever get that feeling that you are just wandering? Lacking direction, searching for identity, I found myself lost.
In his book “Who Do You Think You Are?” Mark Driscoll lists the areas we often mistakenly look for identity, “Items, Duties, Others, Longings, and Sufferings.” I put my identity in Continue reading Who Am I?
If you read my first post you may know that I grew up in a Christian home. I also grew up in a very conservative church. When I was about 10 years old I started to realize I was attracted to men. This was a terrifying realization to me. I did not want to be gay. I feared rejection from my friends and family. Even though I was not out, walking into church I felt guilty. I felt a weight walking through those doors.
I also felt a disconnect in my friendships. I feared that if people knew what I was dealing with, they would not like me anymore. For this reason I kept a barrier up with my friends and even my family.
Through my teen years I prayed for God to change me. I remember crying myself to sleep asking, “If I have to have some sort of struggle in life, can it please be anything else? I’d rather be anything but this!” Continue reading Beautiful Things from Difficult Times